Bruce’s Ministry

Still Struggling

Posted by Bruce Norton on Jun 02 2009

Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall. Prov 16:18 (NIV)

First pride, then the crash— the bigger the ego, the harder the fall. Prov 16:18 (MSG)

I have talked about pride and its role in my sinful life before.  It truly is my thorn in the side.  It irritates me and I am watchful nearly every waking moment for it to wield its ugly head.  God has opened my eyes to pride’s role in sin and the destruction of lives.  He has shown me that at the root of nearly every sin pride can be found.  And yet, it is still a constant struggle for me.  It is a constant reminder that I am flawed, handicapped, and broken.  If I were a computer, it would be called an undocumented feature.  That is computergeekese for what normal people call bugs.  And no matter how many times God downloads a new service pack into my soul this is one bug He chooses to keep unfixed.

I have now had one person hint and two people come out and say that my desire to blog for the masses instead of writing in a journal so only God and I know is an example of pride.  I have tremendous respect for all three of these people.  They have each played their role in God’s transformation of who I am.  And while I don’t look to meet with their approval, clearly they see something I don’t see.  They tell me about it because they care about me.  They are spiritually more mature than I.  And so I must look at it and pray to God for guidance, wisdom, and discernment.

If I were arrogantly putting myself out there saying, “This is who I am.  Take me or leave me, ” I would agree that it is prideful.  If it were for the purpose of showing the world I have nothing to hide, I would agree that it is prideful.  If I were to tell my readers that my way is the only way, I would agree that it is prideful.  If I were to say I have the answers I would agree that it is prideful.  If this blog were about converting people, I would agree that it is prideful and worse.  If my motive is to do good works in order to get into Heaven, it would be misguided and prideful.  But this blog is about none of that.  What is it about discussing my struggles in public that makes it prideful?  What is it that others see in me that God has chosen not to reveal to me?  What is it that remains hidden because of my own prideful arrogance?

Heavenly Father, if my blogging but not journaling is prideful, I pray you will work through my mentors, readers, or anyone you see fit to open my eyes.  Reveal to me the truth and guide me so that I may understand and follow your direction.  Let your Spirit be my teacher so I may do Your work.  Let the love of Jesus flow through me so I am better able to love others.  Please Father, help me to finish well and with humility for I cannot finish on my own.  Please don’t let me forget that You are the potter and I am the clay.  Father, teach me more.  I am ready to learn.  I am thirsty for a better understanding of myself and of you.  Please quench my thirst.  But, your will be done – not mine.  Amen.

For you who are reading this, I ask that you pray for me to gain a better understanding of the pride others see in me.  Ask God to help me to be able to recognize it for what it is.   Ask God to illuminate the path he wishes me to travel.  And if God reveals something about me to you in all of this, please let me know.  This is a very big blip on my radar.

God bless you.

Bruce..