When I got to the office, I looked at the mail I had just picked up and found a check I was not expecting.  Also on my desk was a small stack of envelopes, and in that stack was another check I was not expecting.  Now, these were not million dollar checks, in fact each one was less than $100.00.  Not big money, and certainly not enough to completely resolve the financial picture, but enough to let me know that He heard my prayers.

And if that response was not clear enough, I also came across a newsletter from a friend of mine.  I have both a Maryland address and a Pennsylvania address.  John mails this newsletter to both addresses.  The newsletter was dated May, 2010.  I had seen the one he mailed to my Pennsylvania address before.  So, when I opened this one, I recognized it and started to fold it back up to throw it out when a paragraph at the bottom of the first page jumped out and grabbed my attention.  It read:

"Point of my story?  There have been times in life when I have become discouraged, feeling as though God is not hearing my cry for help concerning a certain major issue.  Or if He’s hearing, He sure doesn’t seem to be responding!  AND THEN. . . HE does something totally unrelated, perhaps something small. . . but something which conveys a HUGE message, ‘John, I may not be answering your BIG request in the way you wish, but I want you to know I am watching over you.  I’ve got your back covered.  Remember ALWAYS that you are in good hands. . . My hands!’

 

Perhaps today is the day when YOU find yourself in despair.  May you be alert to the message God may give you today. . . the message that HE CARES. . . that you are safe in HIS hands!"

Wow!  How powerful is that.  God took a newsletter that should have been thrown away months earlier, that had a message that was written for me, and put it in my hands the very day I needed to see it.  I stand in awe of my God.

And maybe you too are reading this when you need to read it the most.  So I will close with John’s closing.  Perhaps today is the day when YOU find yourself in despair.  May you be alert to the message God may give you today. . . the message that HE CARES. . . that you are safe in HIS hands.

Bruce..

Here are Ben’s words:

The following was written by Ben Stein and recited by him on CBS Sunday Morning Commentary.

My confession:

I am a Jew, and every single one of my ancestors was Jewish.  And it does not bother me even a little bit when people call those beautiful lit up, bejeweled trees, “Christmas trees.”  I don’t feel threatened.  I don’t feel discriminated against. That’s what they are, Christmas trees.

It doesn’t bother me a bit when people say, ‘Merry Christmas’ to me.  I don’t think they are slighting me or getting ready to put me in a ghetto.   In fact, I kind of like it.  It shows that we are all brothers and sisters celebrating this happy time of year. It doesn’t bother me at all that there is a manger scene on display at a key intersection near my beach house in Malibu.  If people want a creche, it’s just as fine with me as is the Menorah a few hundred yards away.

I don’t like getting pushed around for being a Jew, and I don’t think Christians like getting pushed around   for being Christians.  I think people who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period..   I have no idea where the concept came from, that America is an explicitly atheist country.   I can’t find it in the Constitution and I don’t like it being shoved down my throat.

Or maybe I can put it another way: where did the idea come from that we should worship celebrities and we aren’t allowed to worship God as we understand Him?  I guess that’s a sign that I’m getting old, too.  But there are a lot of us who are wondering where these celebrities came from and where the America we knew went to.

In light of the many jokes we send to one another for a laugh, this is a little different:  This is not intended to be a joke; it’s not funny, it’s intended to get you thinking.

Billy Graham’s daughter was interviewed on the Early Show and Jane Clayson asked her   ‘How could God let something like this happen?’  (Regarding Hurricane Katrina)..  Anne Graham gave an extremely profound and insightful response.  She said,  ’I believe God is deeply saddened by this, just as we  are, but for years we’ve been telling God to get out of  our schools, to get out of our government and to get out of  our lives…  And being the gentleman He is, I believe He has calmly backed out.  How can we expect God to give us His blessing and His protection if we demand He leave us alone?’

In light of recent events… terrorists attack, school shootings, etc.  I think it started when Madeleine Murray O’Hare (she was murdered, her body found a few years ago) complained she didn’t want prayer in our schools, and we said OK.  Then someone said you better not read the Bible in school.  The Bible says thou shalt not kill; thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbor as yourself.  And we said   OK.

Then Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn’t spank our children when they misbehave, because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem (Dr. Spock’s son committed suicide).   We said an expert should know what he’s talking about.  And we said okay.

Now we’re asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don’t know right from wrong, and why it doesn’t bother them to kill strangers, their classmates, and themselves..

Probably, if we think about it long and hard enough, we can figure it out.  I think it has a great deal to do with ‘WE REAP WHAT WE SOW.’

Funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world’s going to hell.  Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says.  Funny how you can send ‘jokes’ through  e-mail and they spread like wildfire, but when you start  sending messages   regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing.   Funny how lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene articles pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion of God is suppressed in the school and workplace.

Are you laughing yet?

Funny how when you forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you’re not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you for sending it.     Funny how we can be more worried about what other people think of us than what God thinks of us.

Pass it on if you think it has merit.

If not, then just discard it…. no one will know you did.   But, if you discard this thought process, don’t sit back and complain about what bad shape the world is in.

My Best Regards, Honestly and respectfully,

Ben Stein

I think there are several important theological points in here.  Many people talk about how we have kicked God out of our schools.  The problem with that is that if God is sovereign then in reality we are powerless to kick Him out of our schools.  Any thought that we are able to kick Him out lessens and demeans Him.  But I think Ben’s quote from Anne Graham is right on.  We asked God to leave and being the gentleman that He is he has calmly (and in my opinion, sadly) backed out.  This is much more consistent with the truth that He is sovereign.

The second point I think is important is Biblical and true whether you are a believer or not.  We reap what we sow.  Our children behave the way we teach them to behave.  If we do not teach them about mercy, grace, and forgiveness and model it for them, how can we expect them to demonstrate these qualities that are critical not only for our life in the Kingdom, but also here in the world?

Just some points to ponder.  Have a very merry Christmas!

Bruce..

This morning I was playing a game of Solitaire.  It is a very interesting game.  When we play it we think we are playing alone.  After all it is called Solitaire.  The root is "solo" meaning one.  But I have learned that it really is not solo.  God is with me.  He orders the cards according to His purposes.  And, yes, He speaks to me through the game.  This is one of the few times I let Him get a word in edgewise.  This is one of the few times I shut up and listen for what He wants from me instead of giving Him a long to-do list that I want Him to do for me.

This morning, the message was about listening.  I was at a point that is not that unusual in Solitaire where I knew I was about to lose the game.  I knew the cards I would be getting from the deck because I had been through them already, and they were not going to help.  There was one card I could place on a foundation stack but that wasn’t going to change anything either.  The game was lost and it was time to go on to a new game. 

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;   Prov 3:5 (NIV)

Just as I was about to pick up the cards to start a new game, that quiet voice told me to go ahead and continue the game.  It told me to put the card on the foundation stack and see what happens.  I listened and moved the card.  Then another move was revealed to me, then another, and another, until a plan to win the game was revealed.  The game I was about to quit because it was not winnable was the game I ultimately won.

Most of the time the message is a reminder about trusting in Him, being patient, and being persistent with what I know is right.  Today it was a reminder to listen to the quiet voice of the Holy Spirit speaking to me.  Regardless of the message, one thing is clear.  He is with me just as He is with you, and He has so much He wants to teach us if we will only listen and learn.

Bruce..

We all agreed that if my motivation for this blog was, "here I am take me or leave me as I am," or "I have the answers," or "my way is the only way," that it would be a blog that is deep in pride.  But that is not my motivation.  My motivation is for you to follow my struggles and how God works in my life.  It is written in the hopes that God will use me and this blog to reveal things to you he wants revealed. 

The issues my mentors had was my using this blog as my journal.  Their impression was that if I have to involve you that my motivation must be because it elevates me to help you.  And that is pride.  I agree with them that if that was my motivation it would indeed be very prideful. 

The truth is that I don’t enjoy writing with pen or pencil and paper very much.  Quite honestly, it takes more effort for me to do that and my writing is not very legible anyway.  So, I prefer to type when I write.  My thought was that if I am typing it anyway, I might as well share it with others.  The reality is that my posts on this blog are written, then proof read, then corrected before I publish them. 

A journal is different though.  Since it is not intended for others to see, it can simply be a rambling list of thoughts or questions.  It doesn’t necessarily have a beginning and an end to the thought.  Much of what is written is not resolved, or if it is it is not resolved right away.  Through my mentors God has revealed to me the importance of a journal.  And even though I am still typing it, I am not keeping a separate journal. 

It is through your prayers, the Holy Spirit opening my eyes to the truth, and God using people in my life to reveal what he wants me to see that I have learned this. 

Thank you and God bless you.

Bruce..

First pride, then the crash— the bigger the ego, the harder the fall. Prov 16:18 (MSG)

I have talked about pride and its role in my sinful life before.  It truly is my thorn in the side.  It irritates me and I am watchful nearly every waking moment for it to wield its ugly head.  God has opened my eyes to pride’s role in sin and the destruction of lives.  He has shown me that at the root of nearly every sin pride can be found.  And yet, it is still a constant struggle for me.  It is a constant reminder that I am flawed, handicapped, and broken.  If I were a computer, it would be called an undocumented feature.  That is computergeekese for what normal people call bugs.  And no matter how many times God downloads a new service pack into my soul this is one bug He chooses to keep unfixed.

I have now had one person hint and two people come out and say that my desire to blog for the masses instead of writing in a journal so only God and I know is an example of pride.  I have tremendous respect for all three of these people.  They have each played their role in God’s transformation of who I am.  And while I don’t look to meet with their approval, clearly they see something I don’t see.  They tell me about it because they care about me.  They are spiritually more mature than I.  And so I must look at it and pray to God for guidance, wisdom, and discernment.

If I were arrogantly putting myself out there saying, “This is who I am.  Take me or leave me, ” I would agree that it is prideful.  If it were for the purpose of showing the world I have nothing to hide, I would agree that it is prideful.  If I were to tell my readers that my way is the only way, I would agree that it is prideful.  If I were to say I have the answers I would agree that it is prideful.  If this blog were about converting people, I would agree that it is prideful and worse.  If my motive is to do good works in order to get into Heaven, it would be misguided and prideful.  But this blog is about none of that.  What is it about discussing my struggles in public that makes it prideful?  What is it that others see in me that God has chosen not to reveal to me?  What is it that remains hidden because of my own prideful arrogance?

Heavenly Father, if my blogging but not journaling is prideful, I pray you will work through my mentors, readers, or anyone you see fit to open my eyes.  Reveal to me the truth and guide me so that I may understand and follow your direction.  Let your Spirit be my teacher so I may do Your work.  Let the love of Jesus flow through me so I am better able to love others.  Please Father, help me to finish well and with humility for I cannot finish on my own.  Please don’t let me forget that You are the potter and I am the clay.  Father, teach me more.  I am ready to learn.  I am thirsty for a better understanding of myself and of you.  Please quench my thirst.  But, your will be done – not mine.  Amen.

For you who are reading this, I ask that you pray for me to gain a better understanding of the pride others see in me.  Ask God to help me to be able to recognize it for what it is.   Ask God to illuminate the path he wishes me to travel.  And if God reveals something about me to you in all of this, please let me know.  This is a very big blip on my radar.

God bless you.

Bruce..

It has been a while since I have written a post to my blog.  Quite honestly, my attention has been diverted to a number of issues involving people who are suffering which has taken up quite a bit of my time and mind share. 

It is so easy in the midst of our suffering for us to believe God is not with us – to think he must be somewhere else, otherwise I would not be suffering.  The Psalmists asked this question.  Even Jesus, Son of God, who was the human incarnation of God cried out in a loud voice, “Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?”–which means, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”  Matt 27:46 (NIV)

Often if, in the midst of suffering, we believe God is with us, we leap to the conclusion that he must be punishing us for something we did.  Job said what we all feel sometimes when he said, "The arrows of God Almighty are in me, poison arrows—and I’m poisoned all through! God has dumped the whole works on me. "  Job 6:4 (MSG)

What we fail to realize is that God gave us free will.  And while I do believe God does sometimes allow us to suffer in order to teach us something we need to learn, more often than not, our suffering comes from our choices and the choices of others.  In these cases God sometimes intervenes and other times He redeems the experience later.  In most, if not all of these situations, we would swear that God is not there.  What I have learned recently, though, is that we don’t always see where God is, and we rarely see where God is going, but it is not too difficult to see where God has been.

One of the situations that has taken my attention from blogging recently is an incident that occurred with the daughter of a good friend of mine.  The daughter planned her suicide in great detail.  She started by cleaning her room to make her mom happy.  Then she started making phone calls and texting her friends to say goodbye.  One of her friends was able to figure out that her message to him meant she was about to kill herself.  He then contacted her sister and mother to let them know what was going on.  They were able to intervene and take her keys so she could not drive her car off a bridge like she had planned to do. 

In the face of this it would be easy to think that her despair was caused when God was not watching out for her.  And I believe her despair was partially caused by her estranged relationship with God.  She lacked hope which was caused by her unwillingness to acknowledge Him and His role in her life.  And yet even with this estrangement, He was with her then and has been with her the whole time.  He spoke through the Holy Spirit and revealed the true nature of her message to her friend who was listening and prompted him to act on that revelation.  His presence could not be seen at the time this was going on.  But we can surely see where he had been.

Another situation that has taken my attention from blogging occurred with another daughter of another friend of mine.  While visiting her grandparents, her grandfather began groping her and trying to have his way with her.  Her grandmother was in the house but did not witness the incident.  The next day, the girl called her mom who called me.  We discussed the situation, and eventually the girl’s mom confronted her stepfather.  She then told her mother.  Her stepfather first denied it completely.  Then to his wife, he said the girl was coming on to him.  Then, he finally owned up to his behavior and admitted the truth.

So where was God in all this?  God was there the whole time even though no one saw him there.  First, no one questioned the girl’s story.  Second, the girl’s relationship with her mother had been very strained.  God began redeeming this situation for the girl and her mother by bringing them closer together and strengthening their relationship.  Third, the grandfather had done this before in other relationships.  Clearly he needed to get help for his sinful behavior.  God was able to reveal this dark side of the grandfather’s nature to him in a way that the grandfather was able to understand it was bigger than him and that he needed help.  Fourth,  instead of abandoning her relationship with her husband, which would have been supported Biblically, she chose to love him while holding him accountable for his behavior.  Together they are pursuing the counseling they need to help him with his behavior, and to bring them closer together as a married couple.  While the situation is a very painful one, the best possible result is being achieved by God’s intervention and redemption.

Suffering brings with it growth.  And while I don’t believe God causes suffering, He does use the suffering we cause ourselves to bring about our spiritual growth.  Even though we don’t always feel Him near, He is.  And even though we can’t always see where He is, we can see where He has been if only we open our eyes.

Bruce..

Paradoxically, however, the truth is that I have never felt as much in control as I do when I give up complete control to Him.  What a crazy upside-down thing that is.  When I surrender control and truly understand that I am not in control I feel like I have more control, peace, and joy.  That is completely upside-down from the world in which we live.  But then again, His Kingdom is also upside-down from the world.

Bruce..

When I was discussing some of my revelations with my mentor, I was reflecting on how profound and intricately interwoven those revelations are.  The relationships between happiness, sorrow, sin, selfishness, selflessness, humility, pride, suffering, the motivation of God, and the motivation of man are very tight.  For example, if you desire to be selfless because you know you will feel good by doing a selfless act, your motivation is one of selfishness and therefore your selfless act becomes a selfish one.  While this is a very simple example of what I have been wrestling with, I offer it to you as an example of the interwoven and intricate relationships between those things that bring us closer to God and the things that separate us from Him. 

So I asked my mentor, "How do I teach this to others and get it right?"  He challenged my desire to teach it, and my immediate thought was because that is who I am.  That is what I am supposed to do.  But when I tried to express it, it still didn’t come out right.  Finally, I described it like this:

It is like biting into a piece of fruit for the first time.   This exquisitely exotic and sweet taste fills your mouth and instantly fills your entire body with rapture and joy.  It pleases all of your senses to the very core of your being.  The experience of biting into this fruit is so inviting that every part of every cell of your body craves another bite.  This experience of elated bliss is such that you are compelled to share it with someone else.  It is almost as if sharing it with others somehow completes this heavenly and extraordinary experience.

As I thought about my description, two thoughts came to mind.  The first was an obvious one.  My use of fruit to describe the experience and the intense desire to share it with others is reminiscent of the Garden of Eden.

In the middle of the garden were the tree of life and the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.   Gen 2:9 (NIV)

“You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; 17 but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat of it you will surely die.”   Gen 2:16-17 (NIV)

As I think about it, my description of my revelations and need to share them is how I imagine the fruit from the tree of life must have tasted.  But instead of simply enjoying the fruit from the tree of life, we had to separate ourselves from God by eating the only fruit he forbid us to eat – the fruit from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.  That resulted in our settling for something less than God had planned for us.  Our embrace of a temporary and mediocre life continues today.

The second thing that struck me about my description was that it was not only the description of the things revealed to me by the Sprit, but also a description of God’s love for us. 

“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. 17 For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.   John 3:16-17 (NIV)

Agnus Dei is Latin for the Lamb of God.  The Lamb was sacrificed for me.  What an amazing and incredible selfless act.  On Holy Wednesday in Bethany, a woman anointed Jesus with expensive perfume while he was in the home of Simon the Leper.  Incensed, at what he considered a wasteful act, Judas went to the chief priests and agreed to betray Jesus.  On Maundy Thursday, Jesus taught the apostles about servant leadership by washing their feet.  He shared the Passover feast with them, taught them the Holy Eucharist (Holy Communion), and prayed at Gethsemane before he was arrested.  On Good Friday Jesus was tortured and crucified.  The Lamb was sacrificed in my place to cleanse me of my sins before God.  Three days later He is risen and lives today.

I invite you to take some time in a quiet place.  When you have cleared your mind think about living a life knowing that you will be sacrificed.  Imagine the best you can, being betrayed by someone you love.  Imagine the best you can, being arrested for telling the truth.  Imagine the best you can, being tortured by a device with hooks on the end designed to tear your flesh.  Imagine the best you can, being mocked by everyone around you.  Imagine the best you can, in your weakened state being forced to carry a cross weighing hundreds of pounds on the exposed flesh on your back so they can nail you to it to put you to death.  Imagine the best you can, being nailed to that cross.  Imagine the best you can, the weight of your body pulling on the ropes and nails holding you to the cross.  Imagine the best you can, being pierced in the side to ensure you are dead.  Imagine the best you can, asking God to forgive the very ones who did this to you.

Someone did all of this for you and me.  His name is Jesus Christ.  We have life because he endured suffering beyond comprehension, gave his life as a substitute for ours, and was resurrected.  If you had to describe this as a piece of fruit to someone else, wouldn’t it be the most exquisite fruit imaginable?  Wouldn’t you be compelled to share it?

It is.

You are.

I hope you had a happy Easter this year.

Bruce..

Jesus’ command to make disciples of all nations is part of what we call the Great Commission.  As followers of Christ we are commanded to teach others and to bring them to Jesus.  It is important to note that it says nothing about changing their hearts.  It says nothing about making them accept Jesus.  It only says to teach them and to disciple them.  To disciple someone means to mentor them – to guide them on their journey.  In order to mentor someone, they must first want to be mentored.  You cannot mentor someone who does not want and ask for it.  You cannot teach someone who does not want to learn. 

We have all seen the homeless street preacher talking about fire and brimstone and how the end is near.  We look at him and think how weird he is, or wonder what mental or emotional problems he is struggling with.  We have seen the people picketing the abortion clinics or the funerals of soldiers killed in action and thought how horrible these militant people are who call themselves Christians.  We have all known someone who goes to Church every Sunday and takes advantage of people the other six days of the week and thought what a hypocrite. So why would any non-believer want to follow Christ if it meant becoming a militant hypocrite with mental problems?  While the message in the first two examples may be right, the delivery is all wrong.  I will not be interested in becoming a part of anything where I will get attacked.  And that is what most people feel when they encounter these people.  The answer lies not in making people do something, but in making something attractive to them.  Moths are attracted to physical light.  Turn on a light at night and they will come.  Humans are attracted to spiritual light.  Be the light and they will come.  But they will only come when they are ready.

Susan is a dear friend of mine.  I met her and her family when her eldest daughter stopped breathing when she was three days old.  I have been in and out of their lives, and they have been in and out of my life ever since.  Susan reached out to me about seven weeks ago.  She told me that she and her kids left her husband and that they were living in an apartment now.  Clearly she was miserable and looking for help.  Step one for me was to find out as much as I could about her situation and where her head was.  While I was prying into her life, I got one of the answers I was really looking for.  She told me that she had another friend named Kevin who was telling her that if she only accept Jesus into her life that God would make everything better.  She said he was driving her nuts with all this Jesus talk and she was avoiding his phone calls.  Now, I knew that was a place I could not go with her yet.

After some thought and prayer, my initial strategy to help her was to simply listen and guide.  And while my guidance was Biblical, and I taught Biblical principles such as forgiveness, humility, and the sin of selfishness, I used secular arguments as reasons why they were important.   I also told her and the rest of her family, including her husband, that I loved them – that the love I have for them is a gift given freely and that there is nothing they can do to make me love them more and there is nothing they can do to make me love them less.  The conversations continued like this for about three or four weeks.  Then something truly miraculous happened. 

The Holy Spirit guided me to point out that in her conversations with me she often used the term, "by the grace of God."  I continued by telling her that the love I expressed to her and her family, while not nearly as strong, is a model of God’s love for her and her family.  I continued by telling her that her father was supposed to model that love for her but he was too broken to do so.  Her husband was supposed to model that love for her and her daughters but he was too broken to do so.  But while I am no less broken than they are, I am just not broken in a way that interferes with my ability to model God’s love for her.  That happened on a Wednesday.

Just two days later on Friday, she admitted to me that she had found her Bible and started reading the book of John.  That admission led to a two hour discussion on faith.  While often challenged by Satan’s email from Hell, she has been open to faith based conversations ever since.

It is important to note that I did not change her heart.  I did not make her want to be close to Jesus.  All I did was be that spiritual light and let the Holy Spirit speak to her through me.  God is the one who did the work.  He worked in me to understand that all I need to do is to be the light.  He worked in her to bring her closer to Him.  The transformation of her life still has a long way to go.  There is still much suffering that she is going through.  And while I hope I am wrong, I think I have had a small glimpse into why it is so important for her to be transformed now.

About a week or two after she and I had that two hour conversation on faith, she found a lump in her breast.  It seems to be an aggressively rapidly growing lump.  My sense is that her world is going to be turned upside down, that her priorities in life will also be changed forever, and that her re-found faith in God will play a major role in her future and in the future of her family.  I will let you know how things play out.  But, imagine what would have happened if the Holy Spirit had not guided me not to push faith in the beginning. 

I wonder how many people I pushed away from Jesus in my attempts to bring them closer.  How many people have you pushed away?   Fortunately, we will probably never know the answer to that question.  And, while it is important not to approve of ungodly things in this world, maybe it isn’t so important to preach against them either.  Or, maybe it is important that we don’t preach against them to non-believers, but to wait and guide believers away from sin after Jesus has changed their heart to a point where they are ready to hear the message.  Maybe for non-believers the most important thing we can do is to simply life our lives in a manner that is pleasing to God.  Maybe for non-believers we simply need to express and model God’s love for them.

Maybe we simply need to be the light.

Bruce..